It can be really exciting finally getting the chance to date someone especially if you have had your eye on them for a while or have been single for a while. The idea of finally being able to interact with someone at a more intimate level can be too tempting to pass up.
Are you ready for when the time comes?
I remember the first time my hubby asked me to hang out. At the time, I thought it would be with a group of friends but turns out it was just him and I. When I realized it was just him and I, I was nervous. I was also excited. I was nervouscited (my teen made that one up…although I’m pretty sure it’s might’ve been around already).
Even though I was surprised we were hanging out alone. That same night I had a conversation with him, indirectly but directly talking about purity, intentions, and what I wanted for the future. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page because even though we were friends for a while this was a conversation we never had. If he wanted more than what I was going to give him, then he could leave now and we can go our separate ways in that aspect.
“A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.” (Prov. 22:3)Preparation is key in staying pure. @ninaslay4christClick To Tweet
Somewhere between the sparkles in the eyes and butterflies in our stomach, we get lost. As if we’ve been transported to a world where only fairy tales exist. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of love stories. I love romantic movies. I love hearing how people met and knew the other person was the one they wanted to be with. However, we can’t get so caught up in feelings that we forget to use our brain.
Questions help evoke conversation. We should ask them and ask the often.
They allow you into the mindset of the other person. We learn of their intentions, motivations, and plans they want to involve us in. It helps communicate your stance as well. If we are afraid of having a conversation, then we must take time to reflect and ask God, why? Is it fear? Loneliness? Not trusting the Lord has His best in mind? Impatient?
“I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.” (Psalm 119:30)
We want to start a Godly relationship not just any relationship.
When we date someone, we are investing our time and feelings. It’s an investment, if lost, we can’t get back. We want to at least know we did our best to set the right foundation. Otherwise, we will be kicking ourselves later.
Every step is important. Just one step away from God can lead to a thousand steps of disobedience.
“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct,” (1 Peter 1:14-15)
Matters of the heart are important. Who we choose as a partner can either honor God or honor yourself. Just FYI, we make terrible gods. Here are a few questions to get the necessary conversation started so you can make a wise decision:
1) Are you a Christian and do you go to church?-
I can easily add a few more questions like, “How long have you been a Christian? How involved are you in church? Where do you go to church?” Denominations matter too. Why should we care? Well, what does God say about it?
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”(2 Cor. 6:14)
It’s very difficult for anyone to understand our love for Christ if they themselves don’t have a relationship with Him. It will cause division maybe even causing you to choose. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy Jesus Christ with your significant rather than fight with them about it? What if they try to keep you from bringing your future kids or kids you may have now? Are you going to chance the souls of your future children?
It’s better to find out now before your feelings bring you farther than you want to go.
2) What are your future plans?
You may be surprised to hear what they are. Is it something you want to be involved in? If they want to be a missionary in a different country, are you okay with that? It’s not wrong to have different aspirations but you both don’t want to be a hindrance to each other concerning God’s plans for your life.
Just because you are both Christian doesn’t mean you are meant to be together.
You may have very different ideas on what you want to do and how you want to go about it. Asking these questions ahead of time will help you plan. It can also help you pray. “God is this what You want for me? Should I be a part of this?”
The other aspect to consider is, do they have any plans at all? Or are they just planning to hang out? Have someone else provide for them? Is it all about partying and having a good time? Are their future plans healthy?
Having future plans and dreams are definitely a sign of spiritual health.
The Lord will always grow us. We are not called to stay stagnant. With growth, comes dreams, plans, and motivations to be better. If they don’t have plans, that’s definitely a red flag.
3) Are you seeing anyone?
You will be surprised at how honest people can be in revealing they are in fact involved with someone. Involved could be anything like, regularly going on dates with someone, on the verge of ending a long relationship, talking to a few people in an intimate fashion, being indecisive on who they want to be with, or it being purely physical.
Romantic emotions, intimacy, and anything else aside from a platonic friendship between a man and woman can be considered “involved”.
It can be very flattering to think we are better than someone else so naturally why wouldn’t they “rather” be with us. The problem with this is your mindset and theirs. One includes pride and the other discontentment.
Believing there will always be something better will always keep them searching.
We are called to be a decisive people. “All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.” (Matt. 5:37) The Word of God literally says, “anything beyond this comes from the evil one”. It is not Godly to keep people guessing. To keep them on an emotional leash. Therefore, if you find out someone is “involved” with someone else, then keep it moving! Otherwise, you will find yourself becoming enslaved to someone else’s pride.
Confusion is not a spirit from the Lord. He is a God of order. Clarity is part of order.
4) Why do you want to date me?
Again, questions may bring about answers you may have not known until much later. The answer to this question may also be shocking. People’s intentions aren’t always what we think they are. Sometimes, people can be really good at hiding impure intentions but other times people are so deep in sin they don’t even hide it anymore.
Their answer could range anywhere from, “I want your body. You’re so beautiful. I like the way you dress. I want to see what’s under those clothes. I just want you to be next to me.” Look for answers that are just physical. These are red flags. If the only answers they can come up with is aimed at physical touch and your body, then you can be sure that’s all they want.Being attracted to someone is not the problem, being lustful towards someone is. @ninaslay4christClick To Tweet
There is definitely a balance. God made some beautiful creatures. My husband is one of them where I feel like the Lord just showed off with him. However, we all know people in our life who are stunning but their personality/character is horrible. If my husband was a conceited abusive person, I would not have entered into a relationship with him. Beauty cannot be the only trait we are concerned about.“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Prov. 31:30) @ninaslay4christClick To Tweet
Fearing the Lord brings about a character that is above all. It is the foundation by which we point to God Who is higher than ourselves. Anytime we reflect the Lord in our lives it will surpass anything physical because He is a beauty to behold within Himself.
Again, questions will help reveal people’s true intentions. If we don’t ask, we may not know.
5) What’s your idea of a date?
I don’t know if you suffer from “rosy colored glasses” syndrome but I definitely do. This means when you think about things it’s usually covered with puppies and rainbows. In my mind, things are way more positive than they usually should be. My imagination and creativity can take over which may lead to major disappointment.
By asking, what’s your idea of a date? It can help prepare you for possibly a really uncomfortable situation. It can either be a situation you may be interested in but not fully comfortable with (even knowing what clothes to wear can make all the difference) or it can be one where you wouldn’t want to be involved in at all. This helps provide insight before ever entering into it. For instance, if their idea of going back to their place is their idea of a date, then you can say ‘no’ before ever entering their home.
Questions help you get a glimpse into their mind. It is wisdom to utilize this tool.
Knowing ahead of time what they plan to do with the time you are giving them, will not only help you decide but also keep you safe. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know what you are getting yourself into. If someone is getting annoyed with your questions, then that should be a question in itself. Why are they getting upset? Don’t be deterred by their annoyance and avoid asking questions altogether.
You don’t owe anyone anything.
Just because they asked, doesn’t mean we have to accept. We can say no and we can say no gracefully.
Remember, an invitation is just that. An invitation. Women especially feel like we have to accept because we don’t want to be looked down upon. We are afraid of the negative reactions. We naturally like to make people feel comfortable (it’s the nurturing instilled inside of us) and that’s a beautiful thing. Remember, God also gave us a voice. If we don’t like or agree to something, we can absolutely say ‘no’.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5)
God gave us the gift of our brain. It functions, it reasons, it thinks, it questions, and it can pray to God.Sometimes we get so lost in our heart, we forget to use our brain. @ninaslay4christClick To Tweet
How many times have we asked ourselves, “What was I thinking?” When the real questions should be, “Why wasn’t I thinking?” or “Why didn’t I pray about it?”
God wants to be a part of our lives and needs to be. Even if you got all the “right” answers but yet still feel like something is off. Holy Spirit is speaking where humans have not.He is saving you from something so be sure to listen to Him too.
Pray, pray, and pray. If you are confused, then do nothing at all. It’s better to just wait then to jump in and regret it later.
I pray this helps you in both preparation and decision making when it comes to dating.
Baskets of Blessings,
Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!