Purity Tips 101

Top 10 Questions Teens Have About Sex

April 12, 2017

Updated: January 3, 2018

 

Updated: January 3, 2018

 

Top 10 Questions Teens Have About Sex

 

Hello beautiful people! So I decided to do some research on what the top questions teens had about sex because I was really curious as to what’s going on in your beautiful minds. I read some popular teen magazines to hear what their reader’s top questions were and the magazine’s answers to them. After I woke up from the floor and drank some water, I decided this post was mission critical!

Reading the magazine’s answers to these questions made me realize why my former teen year old self was as sexual as she was.

When you don’t have Godly parents or mentors to speak truth into your life, you’re left with what the world deems as “okay” or “harmless” and even labeled as “great advice”. All hidden amongst the fabulous pictures of the latest fashion, celebrity stories, and perfume samples.

The advice I read made me so grateful God called me to the sexual purity ministry. I truly love all of you and don’t mind sharing my crazy testimony (fancy word for my personal story of how I came to Christ) at all because I want to help you all achieve life the way God INTENDED!

I did it the world’s way and I did it God’s way. Let me tell you! God’s way is way better.

With the world, I got an STD, an abortion, a divorce, broken relationships, abusive relationships, you name it! With God, I received forgiveness, purpose, an amazing husband (who is fine…extra bonus feature), and beautiful children, and countless other blessings. If I could go back and give sex advice to my teen year old self, it definitely wouldn’t have been ANY of what I read. [Frantically searching for my water] Anyway, down below if what I would have said. If you’re interested, keep reading and if you’re not, keep reading. I mean you made it this far, right? Might as well!

So, let’s get to it! Here are some of the questions that aren’t directly quoted but are a consensus of the majority of what I read. I’ve also added some questions I remember having as a teen year old (totally made that word up…don’t be mad), questions I’ve been asked by teens, and there are some questions I believe the Holy Spirit whispered some questions to my heart to answer for you. Grab some popcorn, a latte (maybe not at the same time or maybe at the same time…no judgment zone here), and scroll to your heart’s desire.

Q: How long should I wait until I have sex?

A: You probably already know what I’m going to say. You wait until marriage! Yes, I know. Stay with me!

Sex was never given to be something you do as a hobby, job, or for pure entertainment.

It was given as a gift to a bride and groom as a binding contract (I know it doesn’t sound very romantic but it’s actually very romantic). Binding contract simply meaning, “My beloved is mine and I am his…” (Song of Solomon 2:16). That’s right! None of the, “Is he going to call me?”, the infamous “walk of shame”, or “How long should I wait to talk to him?” questions and issues that come up.

I mean really think about it. How can you possibly count how many days, hours, or minutes are deemed worthy enough to give away your body and be completely vulnerable and under a judgmental eye of someone you barely know? Some of us are self-conscious walking to a seat in the lunchroom. Now add that awkwardness times a thousand when you’re at the mercy of someone who did not make a commitment of marriage (doing not just saying) to protect, honor, and love you forever!

Marriage is God’s protection.

Q: What if I already had sex?

A: People think purity is only for virgins. So not true! I didn’t start my sexual purity journey until I was in my mid-twenties, divorced, and as a single Mom! When God says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Cor. 5:17)” He means IT!  I don’t care if you’re lying in bed with someone right now, reading this, and decide, “That’s it! I’m going to be a born-again virgin.”, get dressed, and leave. Done!

Jesus Christ died for our freedom so when we repent, decide, and commit to being just that, it’s done!

There is no timeframe on choosing His way. We don’t have to wait 3-5 business days or wait at least 48 hours. It’s done! No one has the power or authority to say anything against it.

You are allowed the VERY second you decide to be different, to actually start acting different.

Why? Because He said so!

Q: What if I want to have sex?

A: You may be saying, “Hey, I want to have sex. I think it’s fun. I enjoy it and other people. What’s the big deal?” I get it. Sex was made to be enjoyed.

However, it was meant to be enjoyed within certain boundaries so you can fully enjoy sex to the extent and satisfaction God deemed it to be. That’s IN marriage.

If you have declared with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior but declare with your body something completely opposite, then you are aligning your destiny with the devil and not Christ. Hey, yolo right? (I know that word is totally outdated but I had no other option available) NO! The devil wants you to DIE, plain and simple. Sorry, but it’s true. No sugar coating it here especially since I live with an STD.

I can firmly say, “The devil wants to DESTROY you and if you take yourself out of God’s protection, he will do just that.”

“Fun” no longer becomes “fun” when you’ve been through multiple breakups, have an STD, shame, guilt, etc., or worse no feelings at all.

Q: How do I tell my boyfriend or girlfriend I don’t want to have sex?

A: Simple. “Hey [enter boyfriend or girlfriend’s name], I don’t want to have sex.” I know, I know, that’s too easy and there’s feelings involved including being scared that you’ll lose the relationship, etc.

One sure preventative way to help set you up for success is to say it BEFORE you catch feelings with anyone, date them, start getting close, you get the point.

When you have strong convictions it is that much easier to stand on them. Shoot, shout it from the rooftops so everyone knows you are waiting for marriage. This way everyone’s on the same page and it’s not a surprise when you fall back to your default answer of “Nope!” when you are asked. Otherwise, have your friend text it to them for you. Oh, c’mon! Like you don’t do it for other things?!

No but seriously, if you can’t have an honest conversation where you feel completely comfortable talking about your convictions (aka your want to wait for marriage to have sex), then it seems as if you don’t trust your partner. I would definitely take some time to think about why that is and if you need to be in relationship at all right now.

Q: What if my boyfriend or girlfriend want to have sex and I don’t?

A: It’s always difficult when it comes to matters of the heart to be completely honest because we feel that we may lose the relationship. My question to you is, “Do you trust God?”

The minute we replace God with something or someone else we are basically saying, “I don’t trust you with my happiness and I believe I found something better.”

This should never be the case. God must always stay on the throne of your life because only He knows exactly where your happiness lies. If they truly love you, then they will wait. If they don’t have the best intentions for you, then they won’t. You will be happy later when you stand your ground because then you get to see what they really want, your heart or just your body.

Q: What if I said I want to have sex and now I don’t?

A: I remember saying a lot of things whether it was wanting to have sex or do sexual things because I thought that’s what they wanted to hear or I thought it was cool (I really did…all the popular girls were doing it so I thought I could too). Unfortunately, I found myself in situations where I felt pressured to actually go through with whatever it was I said I would do even when I didn’t want to. If this is the case with you, again honesty is the best policy. If you feel too scared, have a mentor, parent, or friend write it out for you, help you talk it out, etc.

Strength is in numbers so if you need to bring someone with you, then do it.

Sometimes we just don’t know the right words or we are bound or have feelings for someone in such a way that it can paralyze us. It’s okay to have someone help and hopefully you can learn how to do it for yourself the next time. It’s all about learning how to find your voice and using it God’s way.

Q: What if my parents don’t mind if I have sex?

A: Unfortunately, there are some parents who don’t care, don’t know better, may provide the opportunity for you to do it, feel like you’re not a man or woman until you have sex, whatever this looks like to you remember it is YOUR life. I remember having friends whose parents could care less if they were in a room by themselves with their boyfriend or girlfriend.

The reality is we all have to stand before God one day and saying, “Well my parents said it was okay,” does not supersede (fancy word for to take the place of) God’s Word.

This is where you may need to lean heavily on the strength of your mentors, Pastors, accountability people, and ask God for help. This may also be a chance to be an example for your parents. Discuss with them why you are waiting!

Many people have been inspired by young people because of their convictions and love for God.

Whether or not your parents are believers (there are some believing parents for some reason who think it’s okay), this may be their chance to see how it’s done God’s way and could possibly change their own thinking and behavior.

Q: What if my parents want me to have sex and I don’t?

A: It really hurts me to answer this question because this is such an attack from the enemy and I would never put my children in this predicament. Unfortunately, this is the reality of many of you.

Regardless of your age, your first obligation is to obey God first.

In the bible it talks about honoring and obeying your Mother and Father (see Eph. 6:1-4). However, there is a double responsibility. First, children are to honor and obey. Second, parents are to bring their children up in the way of the Lord and not provoke them.

Premarital sex or sexual acts are NOT in the way of the Lord.

Therefore, you do not have to honor or obey your parents in this instance. Honoring God comes first, say no, and ask for help if necessary because there may be a bigger issue if you are being forced to do something you don’t want to do.

Q: What if I don’t have sex but do other things instead?

A: This goes along with the question I’ve heard asked many times, “How far is too far?” The bottom line of this question is the heart issue. Can you imagine your boyfriend or girlfriend asking you, “How far is too far for it to considered cheating?” You would probably answer, “Pretty much anything or anyone that takes the place of me in your heart!” Being super flirty, sexting, maybe just a little kiss, doing other things but “not really” having sex, all these things and more we would probably consider cheating. I know I would! This is most likely how God feels, “Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God”, (Exo. 34:14). We’ve seen many online videos of what jealousy looks like.

The Lord loves you and wants the best for you but if you step outside the boundaries He set in place…that’s all I’m going to say because the outcome will look different for everyone.

Scared? Good! STDs are not fun and that’s just one example of stepping outside of God’s protection and doing it the world’s way. Take my word for it, please!

Q: Why should I wait and do it God’s way?

A: So, I left this question for last because by now I pray you can answer this question for yourself. Is it too cliché to say, “Because He said so”? This answer in itself should be more than enough but even within biblical history that answer wasn’t enough for humans. Why?

It always comes down to the heart of the matter.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jer. 17:9) Right now I can’t think of a time when Jesus was confronted with a question where He didn’t point to their heart condition. We have to ask ourselves, “Do we love God? Do we really love Him? Do we trust Him? Do we trust He has way better for us than we could ever imagine?”

Check your heart my beautiful people. God already proved His love for us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

Allow this scripture to be your life song. Please don’t just push it off as some overused Christian quote. It’s the proof we can set our hearts and life on.

It’s time our behavior starts to catch up with our faith.

Will there be struggles along the way? Yes. Will we mess up sometimes? Yes. However, that doesn’t give us the option to not try (see Romans 6:1-7). If you wait and see, the Lord WILL bless you abundantly.

Phew! This was a long one and if you made it this far, you are the real MVP, “Motivated Valuable Person” who strived to make it all the way through this post. I try to be as real as I can in answering these questions because life can be really real sometimes. Can I get an amen?! Please know I absolutely have your best interest at heart and 100% want you to succeed in this journey of sexual purity. I pray this post blessed you and if there are any other questions you may have about sexual purity or something you may want me to elaborate on (fancy word for talk more about), feel free to contact me. There will be other posts to come. Check out the other posts on the blogsite. There may be an answer already on here for you.

 

Baskets of Blessings,

Nina D.

 

Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!

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  1. This is a great post. You put things on a level I think a lot of teens will relate with. Your conversation is so important. It shouldn’t be avoided, and I’m excited that you are willing to enter! Blessings!

  2. Oh, Nina. I lovvvveeee this so much!! If only there were such a resource for my teenage self! I can relate on so many different levels…I’m a born-again virgin single mother too! May God bless this ministry…it’s greatly needed.

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